Carrot Muffin with Orange Frosting

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In Portugal we have a lot of words. We have way to many words. We have a thousand words for the same thing and a thousand meanings for the same word. We don’t need more words. We’re fine. We got it covered.

So do you know what madeleines are? If you were born after the 90’s, you probably don’t. But muffins are just the new madeleines. When I was a kid there was no muffins in Portugal. We had madalenas (which is the portuguesation of the french name) and queques (which is the portuguesation of the english word cake), but they were just the same cake. Some people will say this isn’t true. But they’re stupid. It’s the same fuckin cake. Trust me.

Queques? But who the hell still have queques? Such a jurassic thing! Nowadays people want muffins and cupcakes!”

First time I baked muffins was in chef school. It was a nice recipe indeed, with shit loads of fat and oily as fuck, just as a good traditional muffins recipe should be. The kind that people see as healthy because muffins are just sponge cakes.

After baked, the cakes were removed from the silicone forms. And my bakery chef says “And here you have your muffins.” And I say “That look exactly like queques.”. And he says “Exactly like queques? These are muffins! Totally different!”. And I was just thinking to myself “If you weren’t my teacher, I would punch you a fuckin queque down your throat.”.

If you live in Portugal,

Muffins are just another snobish name for queque!

Let’s make it clear – queque is fuckin’ stupid name. It sounds ridiculous, even for a portuguese. Sounds like if some elitist wanted to use the english word for cake, but thought that queque would sound much better for a portuguese. But it’s okay, we still can call the it madalenas. We don’t need more words!

“Oh, but those are not muffins, those are cupcakes.”

Don’t even start! Just don’t! Some clown just thought a muffin would look much better with some frosting and glitter and there you go – cupcakes! Like if someone even have cooked the fuckin’ cake in cups! It was a terrible joke, I know. But if you want good jokes you may start reading a decent blog.

On Saturday there was a gay parade, here in Bergen. I saw people with t-shirts saying:

Cupcakes are just gay muffins

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I don’t know in what does this sentence helps with fighting for the gay rights, but I believe it’s something like – a man is still a man even if he’s homosexual. Maybe the t-shirt was just a joke and I just came up with this metaphor, but I like finding logic in everything, what can I do?

So, but did you understand what I mean or not?

A CUPCAKE IS JUST A FUCKIN’ MUFFIN WITH FROSTING ON THE TOP!

Ingredients:

Cake:

Wet:

6 Carrots (medium size)
10 Dates
2 TBSP of Coconut Oil
2 TSP of Lemon Juice
2 TBSP of Grounded Flaxseeds
1 TBSP of Chia Seeds
1/8 Cup of Raw Sugar
1/2 Cup of Applesauce
Fresh Ginger (to taste)
1/2 Cup of Vegetable Milk

Dry:

1/2 Cup of Buckwheat Flour
1/2 Cup of Almond Flour (or almond meal)
1/2 + 1/4 Cups of Oatmeal Flour (or grounded oatmeal)
1/4 Cup of Potato Starch
1 TSP of Baking Powder
1 TSP of Baking Soda
1/8 Cup of Raw Sugar (powdered)
1/3 Cup of Raisins
1/3 Cup of Barberries or Goji Berries
1 TSP of Cinnamon (grounded)
1/2 TSP of Ginger powder
Pinch of Nutmeg
Pinch of Cardamom (grounded)
Pinch of Flor-de-sal

Frosting:

3/4 Cups of Cashews (pre-soaked)
3 TBSP of Water
2 TSP of Lemon Juice
2 TBSP of Date or Maple Syrup
Orange Zests

Instructions:

Cake:

  • Turn on the oven on 180ºC;
  • Start by shredding the carrots;
    • We shredded 3 carrots a bit thinner and the other 3 a bit thicker;
  • You can also shred the ginger, or chop it, if you prefer;
  • In a big bowl, add in the chia seeds, flaxseeds and raw sugar;
    • Yes, these ingredients were in the wet block for a reason;
  • Mash the dates together;

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  • Also add in the lemon juice, coconut oil, shredded carrot, shredded ginger, applesauce and veggie milk;
    • Mix it well, until you obtain a thick paste;

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  • In another bowl, add in the buckwheat flour, oatmeal flour, almond meal and potato starch;
    • You can make your own oatmeal and almond meal in the food processor or coffee grinder;
    • Don’t blitz the almonds for too long, or it will turn into butter;
  • If you have a coffee grinder, grind the raw sugar into powdered sugar;
  • Add in the baking powder, baking soda, sugar, seasonings and salt to the flour mix;
    • Mix it well;
  • Sieve this mix through a sieve that shouldn’t be very fine;
  • Add it to the wet mix;
  • Stir in the raisins and barberries;

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  • Pour the batter into a silicone muffin pan and bake it for about 45 minutes / 1 hour;

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Frosting:

  • Blend the cashews (previously soaked in water) with the orange zests, water, lemon juice and date syrup in the food processor;
    • Blend until you get a creamy frosting;

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Rest of the scene:

  • Allow the muffins to completely cool down before you cover them with the frosting;
  • Decorate with some orange zests;

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And keep it green. Keep it real!

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Caloric Breakdown:

(Per Muffin = 1/11 of the recipe)

Blue – 58% Carbs

Red – 35% Fat

Green – 7% Protein


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