The ultimate banana sandwich

“As the macaque likes bananas, I like you. I hid a bunch under the bed and I ate, I ate.”

(Yes, this beautiful man is portuguese)

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Banana sandwich with dates and almond butter

There are people who suck. But that’s irrelevant. What I would like to say, actually, is that there are people who have problems in formulating the answer for the question – “If you had to choose just one thing to eat for the rest of your life, what would it be?”. The people who ask this, are stupid, but anyways, my very own answer for such question is – bananas. Is there any fruit more beautiful than the banana? According to José Cid, the author of the music up there, it is possible to compare the way we like something or someone, to the way that macaques like this fruit. When it comes to Michael Chacon own opinion, it “is the only fruit of love.” It is, certainly, a yellow fruit presenting a phallic shape. Besides that, it has a commun, childish and idiotic name, more or less everywhere in the world.

Some time ago, in a Facebook group from Bergen, which I’m in, someone published a poll asking our favorite dishes. My answer was – bananas, rice and pizza. By this same order.

What I’m gonna say next, I have no idea if it makes any sense for you, since you’re not portuguese. If not, you should learn more about the culture of such beautiful country. Anyways, here we go:

Do you remember when you were a child, and in your street, there was this stupid kid who use to eat banana sandwiches? Banana sandwich? Who the f*ck eats that sh*t? Well, the good news for you is that from now on, you’ll be that stupid kid! The bad news is that this recipe requires some legendary cooking techniques.

The worst ingredients list ever:




Almond or peanut butter


  • Start by turning your toaster on and let it heat up;
  • If you’re older thatn 65, use this legendary technique to cut your bread:

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  • In case of you’re not older than 65 and you wanted to use this same technique, you’re stupid. This is the KaioKen of the bread cutting. If there isn’t a total mastering of the technique, you’ll just be a person who cuts stupidly the bread;
  • If you’re just a stupid kid, use this sad technique:

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  • Remove the pits from your dates and spread it on one of the bread slices;

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  • Spread some nut butter on another slice, like a boss;

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  • Peel the banana, with all due respect and love, of course, and slice it;
  • Spread the banana slices in one of the bread slices. I’m such a nice guy han? I even let you choose the bread slice you preffer. In the eternal words of the former prime-minister José Sócrates “That’s cool man.”

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  • Overlap the two slices of bread, one spread against the other, and behold your sandwich… but not for long;
  • Grab your sandwich and gently lay it down on the toaster;
  • Let the bread grill, softly, slowly, poetically, never dumbly;
  • If you could make little squares on your bread, you would be like a toasts professional;
  • Finally, cut, or not, your toast in two not too asymmetric parts and delight yourself, like a propper lout, grossly;


This one is idiot proof certified!

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And keep it green. Keep it real!

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Caloric Breakdown:

(for 1 nice sandwich)

Blue – 65% Carbs

Red – 21% Fat

Green– 14% Protein

It helps A LOT if you comment 🙂

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