“I know how they like everything is to be.”
Tofu Crispy Fingers
I remember when I use to think that fish fingers were produced inside the Captain’s ship. I always wanted to meet him. Sometimes I use to thik that I would like to go “upnorth” to join him in the boat. Upnorth, because when you’re a citizen of the Reign of Culatra Island, well, everything is upnorth. And a fella like this, he had to be from the north, as it for me everything beyond the National Road 125 was north.
Before I use to find it odd how could the Captain be different every time. Now, what I find really odd, is that how can a fully bearded sailor man be sailing with children since 1971 and never had problems with the justice. Aye Captain.
For 2 People:
Ingredients:
500 gr Silken Tofu
Oven baked chips:
2 Bigass Sweet Potatoes
1 Tablespoon Smoked Paprika
1 Teaspoon Paprika powder
1 Teaspoon Garlic powder
1/2 Teaspoon Salt
1/2 Teaspoon Nutmeg
Batter:
1/4 Cup Chickpea flour
1/2 Cup Water
Crumbs thingy:
1/2 Cup Oats
2 Tablespoons Whole Cornmeal
1 Teaspoon Garlic powder
1 Teaspoon Cumin
1 Teaspoon Turmeric
1/2 Teaspoon Salt
1 Lemon Zest
1 Lime Zest
Tahini Dip:
1 Tablespoon Tahini
1 Tablespoon Mustard
1 Tablespoon Maple Syrup
1 Tablespoon Water
4 Tablespoons Lemon Juice
Instructions:
- First step is to drain your tofu – open the package, take it off and put it a drainer, over and covered by a towel, with something heavy over it. Yes, it is a wise idea to have a bowl under the drainer;
- Let it drain for 2 hours;
Oven baked chips:
- Grab your potatoes and wash it well. If you come again with that story that you don’t like potatoes with skin, buzz off!;
- If you’re at least 67 years old, grab the potatoes and cut it, in your hand, with the tiniest and most f*cked up knife you have at home;
- If you haven’t developed such technic yet, grab a wet towel, place your board over it and cut the potatoes, like chips or so, with a decent knife;
- Throw them into a bowl and season it with the stuff I listed above, Yes, no fat, you know;
Batter:
- The batter is the stuff where you’re gonna stick your tofu in, before you “bread” it;
- Grab your chickpea flour, throw it in a bowl and start adding water, mixing little by little, to do not form any lumps. Very hard;
Crumbs thingy:
- Grab the oats and grind it, in a food processer, coffe grinder, blender, with a knife, your feet, your head, I don’t know. Or just use the same amount of bread crumbs;
- Grab all the stuff that says on the list and mix everything with the processed oats;
- Take the zest of a lemon and a lime and mix with the rest;
Tahini Dip:
- Mix the mustard with the tahini;
- Add the maple syrup and add slowly the lemon juice, always mixing;
- When everything is nicely mixed, start adding the water, little by little;
- Check if everything is affianced (afiançado like we use in the south of Portugal);
- If you have no knowledge of such word, put yourself on a plain to Faro, take the bus to Olhão, the boat to Culatra Island and just ask the folks from the sea;
The rest of the scene:
- Turn your oven on 200ºC;
- Spread your lovely potatoes in your lovely tray covered by lovely baking paper, or that lovely silicone crap, and stick it in your lovely warm oven;
- Prepare another lovely tray;
- Cut the tofu not too thin;
- Prepare the “breading” line. Prepare what? For the love of f*cking god… put your batter and your crumbs thigy inside something where you can fit the tofu in…;
- Dip the tofu in the batter, roll it on the crumbs and place it in the tray;
- Stick it in the oven, along with the potatoes;
- 30 minutes;
- Serve the potatoes in a big m*therf*cking bowl, your tahini dip in a small bowl and the tofu crispy fingers in a serving plate;
- Eat everything with your hands, like an animal, suck your fingers and thrash the all place down;
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Caloric Breakdown:
Blue – 57% Carbs
Red – 22% Fat
Green – 21% Protein
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