That Pizza

“NO! PIZZA!”

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Pizza with Cashew “cheese”

“So… your telling me I can’t eat pizza?!” And with this question I started my transition from occasional omnivorous to herbivorous. I could give up on everything but Pizza?! It’s not even because of the cheese, in fact, I would rarely eat it. But cheese is part of the pizza. They are born together. If pizza would grow on trees it would have cheese for sure. I think I tried pizza without cheese twice (we also tried without gluten). But in reality pizza without cheese it is not pizza.

It’s possible to find vegan cheese in supermarkets, mostly made of soy. The problem is if soy is the first ingredient, normally palm tree oil is the following ingredient. These products are normally heavily processed and filled with crap that we don’t want inside of us. Still, they don’t actually taste bad.

It was when I got this  vegan mozarela recipe and the Sunday Pizza Kingdom have returned! My recipe is an adaptation –  better and tastier in my opinion-, but if you want to use the original it will  work anyway.

From now on you can eat pizza again. And with cheese. Peter Griffin knows his stuff.

2 Pizzas

Ingredients:

Pizza dough:

150 ml Lukewarm water

1 Teaspoon Brown sugar or any other

1 Tablespoon Active Dry Yeast

225 ml Lukewarm water

3 cup Wholegrain bread flour

Or

2 cups Wholewheat flour + 1 cup White flour

½ Teaspoon Salt

1 Teaspoon Garlic powder

1 Tablespoon Rosemary

Black Pepper

White Flour to sprinkle

Cashew Cheese:

¼ Cup Cashews or Sunflower seeds

2+1/2 Tablespoons Tapioca flour

1 Garlic clove

½ Teaspoon Salt

1 Tablespoon Lemon juice

1 Tablespoon Mustard

2 Tablspoons Nutritional yeast

1 Cup Hot water

Toppings:

½ Cup Tomato sauce (there’s tons of quality bottled tomato sauce, no need to make your own)

1 cup Frozen spinach (obvious)

4 Mushrooms (the ones you like the most)

1 Garlic clove

Oregano, provence herbs,  or something else

Salt and Pepper

Lemon Juice

Balsamic Vinegar

½ Cup Tomato sauce

5 Pieces Sundried tomato

1 Red chili (with seeds for real men!)

Green Olives (Because black ones are for sissies)

1 Can of Artichokes

More Oreganos, provence herbs, Marijuana…. Huh I mean… other herbs…

Instructions:

Pizza dough:
  • Grab a bowl and mix 150ml of lukewarm water, 1 tablespoon of yeast and 1 teaspoon of sugar . You can also also use fresh yeast. Normally it’s a conversion of 3:1, so you will need the triple of fresh yeast if you go with it. Although I never tested it. Let the mix rest for 15 minutes in a warm place to activate the yeast;
  • Grab a big bowl and mix 1 teaspoon of garlic powder, 1 tablespoon of rosemary ½ teaspoon of table salt and a bit of black pepper;
  • After 15 minutes, your yeast should be active. It should be twice the size and be really foamy. Can you imagine a dogs barf? It’s the same thing;

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  • Add the mix of yeast to the flour and add the 225ml of lukewarm water. It’s time to get your hands dirty!;
  • Sprinkle your hands and the table your going to work with flour. Grab the dough from the bowl and put  it on the table. If the dough is too sticky, I think it’s pretty obvious what you need to do? No? Well add more flour then. Keep adding and spanking that bitch until the dough isn’t sticky anymore. If by this time you still haven’t notice the amount of crap your doing and that it would have been easier to take the flour from a bowl than from the package, ask your mother or girlfriend/boyfriend to put some more flour in your hands;
  • Sprinke the bowl with flour and put the dough in it. Cover it with a wet towel and let it rest for 4 hours in a warm spot;
  • I guess you’re thinking you’re going to spend 4 hours looking at the dough right? Get the fuck out of the house and go for a workout!;
Pizza dough round 2!:
  • Now that your back, your dough should be two times bigger;
  • Sprinkle the table once more and spank that baby again. Cut It in too equal sizes and do two balls of dough. Let it rest once more, covered with the wet towel – Yes, it is a good ideia to get it wet again -, another hour in a warm spot;

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Toppings:
  • Turn on the oven 200ºC;
  • As the dough is resting get to work on your toppings. But look dude, if you don’t like my toppings add whatever you like;
  • Unfreeze 1 cup of spinach in the microwave. No, it does not need to be on the unfreezing program. Slice the mushrooms in regular slices. Slice also the garlic clove. And yes it has to be cut very thin;
  • Cut the dry tomato in very small bits. Slice the olives to pieces. If you have the olives with the seed, keep the seed to make a sorbet. Take out the water from the artichoke can and cut them in 4. Slice thinly the red chilli. Yes thinly. Yes even the seeds if you’re a moustached manly man. Done? Now rub your eyes with it if you dare!;
  • If you timed everytinhg righ you can still drink some wine before the pizza is done. If you were slow as fuck the dough should be good enough to start forming;

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Pizza dough round 3!:
  • Get a decent frying pan on the stove;
  • Sprinkle some more flour on the table and start working on the dough balls. I’m no expert in this matter, but what I do is keep circling and pressing the dough against the table until it has a decent size and then I finish it with the rolling pin. Then I make a pizza crust. You didn’t understand shit right? Well then do it your own way!;
  • Move the dough into the frying pan. You can use a bit of olive oil or other fat. Personally I don’t use anything. Cook the dough until it becomes gold. It will be really crunchy;
  • Do the same for the second dough;

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Pizza Assembly:
  • Spread ½ cup of tomato sauce in each pizza. I could give you a recipe of tomato sauce if you really really want to make your own tomato sauce. But dude! It’s a PIZZA! And you can find tons of good tomato sauce in supermarkets. Just check if there isn’t any animals in it. Like dwarfs or lepricons or something; 
  • Season the spinach with a bit of salt, black pepper and lemon juice and spread it on one of the pizzzas. On that same pizza add the sliced mushrooms and the sliced garlic;
  • On the other pizza add the artichockes, sundried tomatos, chili and olives;
Cashew Cheese:
  • On the blender jar add  1 cup of hot water, 1 garlic clove, 1 tablespoon of mustard ½ teaspoon of salt, 1 tablespoon of lemon juice, 2 tablespoons of nutritional yeast 2+1/2 tablespoons of tapioca flour  and ¼ of cashews. What? You don’t have a blender? I told you already to buy one. Blend everything and put it on a hot frying pan;
  • Cook in the stove always mixing with a wooden spoon. DO NOT STOP MIXING! It cooks very quickly. It’s normal to look awfull in the beginning. It will be ready when it has an elastic texture like cheese;

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Pizza Finish him!:
  • Distribute the cheese along the two pizzas. Sprinkke some herbs over it. Put everything in the oven that should be already on remember? And let it cook for 15 minutes. If it’s not ready in 15 minutes probably you will need to let it cook a bit more;

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Pizza Fatality!:
  • Sacrifice your pizzas in an altar and make an offering to Lucifer. Add vinegar to the spinach pizza and drink the blood of the lamb. Well… maybe that’s not very vegan;
Flawless Victory!

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Many thanks to Vasco Cartó for helping with the translations 🙂

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